When watching a live feed of someone accepting a marriage proposal, you may only see the joy that spreads on the couples’ faces. What may not be visible at that moment is their silent wish for this impending union to never end up in divorce.
In reality, you do not have to leave that to fate and hope for the best. It is possible to have the best relationship – the type that will make others envious of your marriage – if you stick to the science-backed tips below.
- Amp Up Your Good Memories Together
To avoid being anywhere near separation, you need to harbor more amazing memories as a couple than the dull ones.
“Humans are complex and all of us experience emotions like anger and sadness, so it’s very normal that at some point in the relationship, you will disagree with your partner.” Maryann W. Mathai, LPCC, LMHC, LPC, NCC once said. A perfect ratio to think of, based on research, is 5:1. In other words, for every single recollection of a fight or a botched date, you should have five great moments to remember. You cannot ever let the balance become 3:3 because that will bring you closer than ever to the divorce court.
- Avoid Burning External Connections
When you had the wedding ceremony, the most important people in your lives before you met each other must have been there. E.g., your family, friends, and colleagues at work. Post-marriage, you should remain in touch with them to prevent exhausting your significant other mentally and emotionally, or vice versa. Take note that “Relationships in and of themselves do not create mental illness.” However, he adds, “When we suffer in our relationships, it can be difficult to move forward from past hurt and trauma.” Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC explained.
This advice may (obviously) not work for individuals who have control issues. It entails, after all, that you may get around 99% of your spouse’s attention, while the remaining 1% goes to their other relationships. However, in case you are willing to move past the possessiveness, there’s no way you cannot find peace in your marriage.
- Try New Activities Together
Studies also suggest that you can protect your union better by planning and embarking on an exciting adventure with each other often.
The logic behind it is that love will continue to spark in your hearts whenever you try new things together. It builds up the number of great memories you’ll be able to tap into during the critical periods in your relationship, not to mention the fresh experiences that may advertently cause you to look back to your many firsts together.
- Do Not Depend On Your Spouse To Make You Happy
Research and TV shows can tell you that having a perfect husband or wife is not enough to guarantee that you will feel happy throughout your marriage. They may try their mightiest to improve your emotions, but their attempts will inevitably fail if you cannot find satisfaction within yourself. Andrea F. Polard, PsyD used to say, “Authentic happiness is relating to the entire universe. When someone relates and leaves nothing out, you can see it in the face and posture. There is a presence about a truly happy person, a look that says “Yes,” to oneself, to others, and to the world.”
The thing is that you have to know what happiness feels like before you even decide to get married. Or, at least, be open to changes. Otherwise, your negativity may affect your spouse, and there will always be chaos in your household.
- Have More Things In Common
Your union will turn out well once you share plenty of characteristics. For example, you may both be wise spenders or natural food lovers. You might also have a vast interest in expanding your family and making life comfortable for your future kids.
In case your goals or attitudes do not match, then you have two things to ask yourself. 1) Am I okay with fine-tuning my objectives to make them more suitable for my partner’s goals? 2) Will I regret it if I do that?
Answering ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to the question respectively can undoubtedly lead to a happy marriage.